I’m hoping to be writing this diary form.
Trying to vaguen my audience into believing this obsession is just that if I concentrate hard renough at this handwriting gets foggier and hazier
Maybe I’ll stop remembering you in my thoughts.
I’ll stop picturing you everywhere in my room, even blending in with colors I bought after you.
You took it all
I want my color back!
And I know this will go away
Just a few more bricks from this tone over my head and I could let it pass…

I want you to disappear off the face of the earth, to cease all existence
But if it wasn’t because of u, all this nonsense.
But I know that you will if ever try to save me long after the ink dries.
Just loosen the grip you have.
I think about him a lot
He who inspires me.
He who smiles when I walk through the door.
He who provokes my smile, controls the temperature of my blood
The courier of my heart.
The one, who shields, preserves, cherishes, appreciates, secures and knows.

But I think of this inspired, motivated, dragged to my haven, my shelter by you.
I dream of this now that you are no more.
He completes my sentences, dwells in my being, and tells my written story between all these lines.
In tune with his soul.
Knows, understands, keeps and says.
I think of this now that your hair keeps my fingers busy no longer.
I think of this now my words like tears.

I think about him more now,
My healer, one who mends.
Sweeps me off my feet,
More now that I’ve slipped to you and I’s end.