[[ an' i ain't gon' lie ]]


she & he

n'

him & me

n'

they and we
i repeatedly

placed


BEFORE
you & i


so when me & my

needy self,

did seek the bestowment of your
fortuity's wealth

n'

reeked of symptoms of
neglects, poor health

[[ i ain't even gon' lie ]]

only then

did i look to you and cry
come to you in search of "why?'
questioned your motives...as if i


...wasn't al-fuckin'-ready aware...

that,
never upon my back,
would you give me weight, ...........that i couldn't bare


absent of love
( or so i thought )

makes life, "less than" and not worth livin'
( from what i've been taught )

so

into darkness' web of delirium
( is where i got caught )


numerous times
void of reason, were my many rhymes

tip toed, on self corrosions, cusp
tap danced & romanced, tangoed with many a' "fuck ups"


and now
well...now
humbly, here i stand

before you
as im sure you...
had planned

upper arm, built ford tough n' stuff
from, oft'
being taken advantage of, yet selfless natured, you made me
so inevitably
i'll repeat the extension of offering a hand

but....man

[[ i ain't even gon' lie ]]


my palms
are achin'

n'

my heart
keeps breakin'

n'

frequently
theres the redundancy
of
mistake makin'

n'


did i mention....my heart...just....keeps....breakin'....?


n'

from digging, i've developed a heaping helping of dirt,beneath my nails,
as of late

n'

my knees exhibit
a plentiful amount of mud, from groveling,
restless-as i seek the remains of my lost soul, wish to uncover this recluse's fate

n'

lord......JUST WAIT!!!

before you go
and throw
me in the pile of discards, clearly marked as "hopeless"

n'

take notice

of my valiant efforts to completely shift my focus

n'


forgive me, Father, while i repeatedly sin

but

u made me this beautiful imperfection

n'

who am i to question?


just watch
as my glance swiftly moves, from ground, to gracious n gorgeous blue skies


n'

please, pay close attention
as i blow a kiss to the breeze
and await this gifts reciprocity
presented to me
in the present...that is another day i am willed to awaken and view another suns rise

n'

[[ i ain't even gon' try
n' lie ]]

i'm too tired of being sick

or is it

i'm too sick of bein' ex-hau-sted

n'

i'm not sure
how i'll be able to handle, the rapid velocity,
at which my daddys bday, is approachin'

n'

months ago, received, was this referral, the one collecting dust
stating my doctor wanted me to immediately,
see...another "he"...one whom specializes in eyes, nose n' throat n'

as

this unknown mass, giving my formerly fluid octaves a tinge of crass, as it continues to grow in my esophagus, i've started to keep speakin' to a bare minimum, as its sore and upon my throat its steadily encroachin'

n'



[[ i ain't even gon' lie ]]


...i...aint.....goin'...


with footing
albeit....obviously, unsteady


i am...more then ready

to once again, encounter, the serenity, only relinquished within your firm embrace

n'

i'm checking mirrors at consistent intervals, for the slightest hint or trace

of

...semblances of your face...

[[ n' i ain't gon' lie ]]

these tears i cry

as the result of me bein' in a bit of a rush
to again
feel the strength of your touch

i'll just suck it up,
keep dialing your number, leaving voice messages, as such


and trust

you will take my call whenever it is deemed necessary to do so
but i hope its sooner, rather than later

n' i

hope i'm rested up enough to accept your presence, fully
and know that i was destined
to never be "less than"
and ALWAYS...somethin' "greater"

...the Almighty Creator...



i was reckless in veering off the beat and path, of where you led, i

i need you by my side, this, i can never deny


[[ an' i ain't even gon' lie ]]